PERSONAL BOUNDARIES …

“Boundaries are the lines we draw that mark off our autonomy and that of other people, that protect our privacy and that of others. Boundaries allow for intimate connection without dissolving or losing one’s sense of self.”

– Amy Bloom.

Let me begin with a story of a king who had a peculiar habit of enjoying his bread (Roti) by discarding its corners. similarly, he used to maintain his kingdom from within very well without paying enough attention to its borders (outskirts). One fine day invaders from the adjoining kingdom attacked and conquered his state, REASON, because his borders were not strong enough to repel the attack.

PERSONAL BOUNDARIES:- “ GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBOURS”(Robert Frost)

Though these lines in the poem has different connotations but in this context if we adapt these lines in our day to day life it will help to build strong interpersonal relations. Personal boundary of an individual is his/her Emotional, Mental and Physical space, which is convenient and comfortable for his functioning and existence. People high in the need to seek to be liked by others and to be held in high regards by those around them, sometimes overdo, leading to generosity burnout.

BEYOND THE BOUNDS:- Earth consists of 20 tectonic plates with defined boundaries if these are disturbed, the result is an earth quake. Likewise, disturbance in our defined spaces, not allowed by us, results in disturbed Mental, Physical and Emotional well being.

KNOW YOUR TOMATOES:-

Assertiveness- Boundaries are for brave people and specially if you are a “PEOPLE PLEASER”, it will be challenging, but for your sake you need to learn the art. You do not have to passively accept what is brought to you. There is always a choice.

Stop being Sorry- Being busy with your own life and not being perfect always.

Its normal to disappoint people -Say “NO” without explanation.

Practice makes a man perfect- Start with small steps and do not become a scapegoat for others.

HEALTHY FENCE:- Boundary should not become the barriers among you and your loved ones. One should have realisation of healthy and unhealthy boundaries. E.g. helping someone when it is required instead being available for help every time for everyone or saying NO every time.

Domain:- The areas where an individual generally has or needs personal boundaries are:- Parents, children, relatives, friends, professional colleagues and Romantic partners.

Personal boundaries are means to convey to others, that I look at myself in a certain respectful way and expect you to treat me in the same way.